Being treated in new ways can be a really great thing, but it also means not knowing what to expect or how to respond to new behavior.
Abusive and controlling partners will slowly start to choose unhealthy and then abusive behaviors.
The loving, kind, sweet act they put on for you is a primary tactic they use to maintain the control they’ve taken.
Moving back and forth between the good and bad behavior is an intentional manipulation tactic that plays upon your desire for them to return to the good behavior.
“He’s really a great guy, though.” “I know this isn’t okay, but she’s made me feel so special, and I just love her so much.” “They were so loving and sweet, and the good times are the best I’ve ever had.” We often hear people say these kinds of things.
Many of them struggle to understand why their partners, who were once so kind and loving, now treat them in hurtful and abusive ways.
How Abusive Partners Maintain the Control They’ve Taken Just as their initial charm was a part of their act, so are the times when they return to that good behavior.
You may find yourself questioning your own actions, especially if they blame you for their abusive behaviors because clearly, they can choose to behave lovingly.
But it’s important to recognize that their minimizing and excuses for the behavior are part of the abuse, too.
It can be incredibly hard to trust your instincts if you think you’re the only person worried that something isn’t right, or like you’re the one causing the abuse.
An additional complication is the fact that gaslighting is one of the most common and effective abuse tactics.