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As women, no one sits us down to have the conversation about why just desiring marriage isn’t enough.We have this idea that we’re born marriage-ready while men must go through some reformative period in their lives where they come to the realization that marriage ain’t such a bad idea.If I wanted to make it work despite what the evidence stated, I could.And I wasn’t wrong, but marriage is challenging enough without marrying a project.Surely, I could mold a potential mate into the guy I wanted, right?We could get into couple’s therapy and the whole nine.In reality, we have just as much growing and evolving to do as our male counterparts do when it comes to relationships and long-term commitment.And a huge piece of that includes evaluating whether or not we’re guilty of self-sabotage when it comes to our dating decisions. One day my therapist forced me to make a list of the things I wanted in a husband.

Sure, I had developed some great communication skills, learned a lot about compromise and partnership, and even more about realistic partner expectations.It can impact your work relationships, cause tensions when things don’t work out, and impact the way you’re perceived, fairly or unfairly.Please keep your dating game, your flirtatious eye contact, and your Axe body spray off of Linked In.And as we reviewed my list, one thing became clear, and that was that I had no business dating Black American men.The likelihood that we would waste each other’s time was almost built into the equation. Almost like I was turning my back on them if I agreed with these findings.

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